We Did It.

In less than six months we drove from Missouri to California, added two new additions to our family (birds, of course), found a place to live, got a job, got a car, and finished my first quarter of graduate school. And, well, I've been much too busy to write.

I started this blog to simply document our time in transition, and I think were are the end of that period. I feel as if we've fully transplanted ourselves into completely new lives.

But I do want to wrap up this story to wrap up the memories we've made and the journey we've started here.

While school was stressful and overwhelming, I learned so so much. I feel 100x more intelligent than I did when I first started. My brain is no longer on hiatus. I am super excited to learn all of these new things and how to apply them in the real world - which is great because my job is evolving into exactly what I wanted.

I'm still able to do graphics and social media, but I'm also doing a good deal of program development, marketing, and I/O consulting. I'm throwing in the latter in small places here and hoping to be able to use it for my internship hours. In short, I'm doing pretty much everything I love. I get to sit in my own office, drink coffee, listen to good music, and push pixels around. They say to find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, and that is how I feel.

Who expects to reach that point at 22? I sure didn't. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life up until I got accepted into graduate school. I feel like I finally have some purpose. I don't know if I will work there forever, but it's one hell of a start.

I'm very excited about the way life is unfolding for me, and I consider myself very lucky to have things fall in my lap this easily. Sure, I get stressed and upset and pushed to my limits at some points, but I can honestly say that I am becoming a better, smarter, and more socially competent person every day. The bad things that come along are no longer life destroyers, they are mere annoyances. I'm not stricken with fear about the future or where I am going.

So here we are. We did it.

Can't complain when there are palm trees.

It has been a long, but productive day. Work has been going great, and I'm really enjoying the work I get to do and the creative freedom and autonomy I have to just go after what needs to be done. I still lack some direction and knowledge about the whole industry, but that will come with time.

And on my third trip to the DMV today, I finally got my license and transferred the title on my car. So I am an official Californian now. I of course had to take the test on traffic laws and I of course failed the first time (by one point!) but the second time around I got 100%, so I was elated to be gone from there by hour three. Thankfully, I shouldn't have to go back there for a long long time.

I got home around 4:30 and did myself a solid and went to the gym. I only went twice last week so I figure I should at least do that. I know it's only going to get harder to get motivated once I start school in a few weeks. But my brain could use some exercise too, I feel like I'm getting dumber. So there might have to be some trade off there.

So I'm pretty much wiped out from today, but I try to keep things in perspective. It's a good kind of exhausted. It's an accomplished kind of exhausted. And it feels good to feel that way. And I really keep reminding myself is that I really have nothing to complain about. I drive to work every morning in my nice new car, in beautiful sunny california, I make money, come home to my wonderful boyfriend and two extremely naughty birds, and then I generally piss around until it is time to go to bed.

And quite honestly, even my worst days in California are better than my best in Missouri.

Goodnight.

I'm becoming a morning person.

I woke up at 5:45 this morning and made my first commute as a grown up. It's a weird feeling knowing that I have a real job with real responsibilities. It's weird being a full blown adult in general. Granted, I'm only working part time for now, but it's a big step in the direction I will be heading during my 20's.

While training and the first few days of a new job are usually the worst, but it went quickly and I am shadowing different people this week to get a feel for what the company is doing and other peoples' responsibilities. It's a little hard for me to stay detached and remember that while some aspects of their job are important for me to know, it's mostly for me to figure out how things work in general and see what I can improve upon from a graphic and usability standpoint. Hopefully by next week I will be set up with an office and my own responsibilities. I already have multiple ideas to work on, and there is a lot that already needs to be done.

But, it is nice to have a job where I can actually be proactive and creative and looked at like an equal and a person with value. I also get to wear nice clothes, which is a nice change of pace and probably the biggest adjustment out of all of this.

Tim's dad found me a car this weekend, so I will be getting that by Wednesday hopefully. I need to take my driver's test out here again and get all the registration crap sorted out which is going to be a big pain in the ass because it all has to be done so quickly, but it's the last big hurdle to being a real californian and being completely settled in out here.

So, basically I need to get through this week and I'll be good to go. In the meantime I'll suck it up and deal with it. At least I'm doing something productive and making some money.

Big Changes

Things have changed quite a bit for us over the past few months. First of all, we added to our family. Tim bought me a Jenday Conure that we named Kiwi. He is almost five months old and really cute and playfully. He is a little mean to Mango (our other bird) but they are entertaining nonetheless. And they have kept our spirits up during our respective job searches.

I was about on the verge of giving up on finding a real job and just trying to do some freelance design to make ends meet. I had applied for one job that seemed to fit me perfectly. I emailed to set up an interview, but didn’t hear anything back for about a week. Finally, I got the interview arranged so Tim took me in for my first interview since we moved here.

It was for a graphic design position, so I felt very out of my league when I entered the waiting area and there were pretty much only older men carrying big portfolios. I also arrived about 15 minutes early and there were three other people that were going to be interviewed before me. To me this just screams cattle drive interviews, if I had driven there myself I would have probably just left. Nonetheless, I stayed there, had a great interview and left feeling a little bit hopeful.  As is customary to us now, we went to In-N-Out for lunch and then headed back home.

I found out on Tuesday that I got the job. We went out for sushi to celebrate, and we are going to San Diego this weekend. More importantly, I get to go shopping for new grown up office clothes.

Tim is still looking and has had several interviews, but no luck just yet.

I start school in a little over a month and I am a bit apprehensive about the load I will be taking on, but I think it will be good for me. And after two years I should be set up for a pretty comfortable and successful career. It’s exciting to have a job that fits me so well and the opportunity to expand upon my education.  But I will still have nights and weekends to do homework and/or relax.

So that’s where we are at now.

Life's a Beach.

We've finally settled in San Bernardino, our home for the next two years. We moved in for good on the second and have spent most of the time since then unpacking, looking for jobs, and entertaining my parents who came to visit last week.

We're very happy here, but the job hunt is starting to get a little frustrating for the both of us. Most of what we see are scams or "entry-level" jobs that require much more experience than we have. I've applied for various things, mostly jobs in HR, retail, and customer service, but also one in printing and even as a cheerleading coach.

I find that not worrying about life makes it a little easier, so I've taken to spending time at the gym and going to the pool every morning/early afternoon to enjoy this time off because I'm sure I'll be in over my head before I know it. I've also been getting into better shape and reading books again, so here's to improvement.

Other than that, I've been doing some work on fiverr.com/lahkkd doing some design and proofreading work for a bit of extra money. So if you need a t-shirt, or logo, or pretty much anything, hit me up. I can do some decent work when I put my mind to it.

So, that's about all that has been going on here lately. Should be more interesting, but it really really isn't.

California, here we are!

It has been a very eventful couple of weeks. We left Rolla on June 14th and had one last sushi lunch and spent the night with my parents in Lebanon. We officially headed out on Tuesday and stayed the night in Amarillo, TX. The next day we got to Flagstaff, AZ. On Thursday we headed up to the Grand Canyon, and we learned that it costs $25 to stare at the hole for one hour or 7 days. Rip off. But it's one of those things you have to see. We also found out on the way to the canyon that we were, in fact, not getting the puppy we were promised. So, I was quite possibly the only person crying at the Grand Canyon, but that's a rant for another day.

The pain lessened with some In-N-Out. We stopped at the first one we saw on the way into Phoenix. It was excellent. We also went to the Mills in Phoenix for some retail therapy and I got my big ass california sunglasses.

This day I was also very excited to big "cactuses" (I know it's wrong, but it's much more fun to say). They are one of those things you see in movies, but you don't really expect to see them all eight feet tall and big arms just like in Wile E. Coyote or something. It's one of the few you see as a kid that is true to life. Moral of the story: I'm easily impressed. And very tired (as you can see from the picture, adding two hours in one day is a bitch)

Friday was our shortest  day of driving, but it seemed to take the longest. Mostly we were getting a little sick of each other. I guess this is normal when you are pretty much within three feet of someone for 5 days. We did get along surprisingly well, but I think that's because we knew the prize that awaited at the end. Ahhh California.

We took a deserted (no pun intended) shortcut out of Phoenix (one I was convinced was plagued by mexican gangsters/pirates...I have no idea why) and then took "the 8" (yeah, I do that now) all the way to San Diego. We hugged the Mexico/US border most of the way, literally you could see the fence. We also went through three border patrol checkpoints, luckily they weren't at all interested in the amount of crap we were hauling and waved us through. I saw the sand dunes as soon as we got into CA, then it quickly turned into a series of mountains. Under normal circumstances it's probably a pretty cool drive, but I have to say that El Cajon has never looked more beautiful.

We've been puppysitting and housesitting in San Diego while Tim's parents are on vacation, but that time is almost up. We are moving into our apartment on Thursday. We've mostly been shopping for furniture and things for the apartment. I guess we are finally adults since we bought a TV and a mattress with an actual bed frame.

Today we went up to Fullerton because Tim had a job interview, then jetted over to San Bernardino to check out our place. It's a bit smaller than what we had in Rolla for double the price, but still not terrible for CA. We're about a mile or so from CSUSB which will be nice, but Tim will have about an hour-ish commute if he gets this job.

We also went to Ontario/Rancho Cucamonga to do some shopping. We are both pretty excited that shopping no longer has to be an "event" like when we made day trips up to St. Louis. We can just jet over to the Ontario Mills (the biggest one story mall this side of the Mississippi), Target, Ikea, Costco, etc. in about 15 minutes. This is a very new thing for me since everywhere I've ever lived has hosted Wal-Mart as a main attraction. On that note, it has now been three weeks since we have been in a Wal-Mart.

We are going to be enjoying a bit of San Diego before we head out later this week, going to a casino tomorrow (mostly for a kickass free buffet) then to a Padres game on Wednesday afternoon and sushi afterwards. It's still a little hard to comprehend that we don't have to get on a plane and fly back to Missouri at the end of the week. I'm actually adjusting to Pacific time (otherwise I would totally be asleep by then). We're also pretty excited to finally be embarking on the last leg of our journey to San Bernardino. It seemed like it was so far away, and then all of a sudden we're here making a brand new start.

I'm hoping to keep up with this (hopefully in smaller installments), but I guess I need to also be looking for a car and a job. Nonetheless, that's what's up. I apologize for the blog vomit. Thanks for reading.

Thanks for the memories.

Tim and I were getting in the car to go to Napoli's for lunch with some friends before we leave. It was one of those perfect timing moments. The song "Thnks fr th Mmrs" (Thanks for the memories - for all you people who use vowels out there) was on the radio.

To me, this pretty much blew my mind. For one, this song hasn't been popular since my freshman year of college. At the time I first heard it, it meant something so much different than it does now. Granted, the meaning of the song is something completely different from what I was interpreting in this moment. The lyrics "one night and one more time, thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great" couldn't have been any more perfect for us on our last night here in Rolla.

I was a big fall out boy fan back in the day, but now they bring back their songs just make me remember a very complicated time of my life. But who hasn't been 18 and a little disillusioned? This moment really made me realize that as much as things change, you can always remember where you've been.

So in honor of my last few hours in rolla, I want to take the time to remember a few memories from my time here.

- First and foremost, meeting Tim. When I first met him in class, he was a long haired smelly kid fresh out of football practice. My mind changed when he got a haircut and a shower and he brought me cheesecake after I busted my face and got a concussion at cheerleading practice. The next day he left me captain and a dr. pepper in his locker when we went to decorate for the game. He picked me up outside the locker rooms and we went on our first date to the park, then to Wendy's, and then back to his trailer. We watched grandma's boy but talked through the whole thing. He took me back to my car when I asked him to. He thought he blew it, but he totally didn't. I knew he was the one for me when I got back to my apartment. In some crazy aligning of the planets, three guys I had been head over heels for at some point or another in the past year or so were hanging around the hot tub of my apartment complex. None of them were even somewhat appealing to me anymore. Tim and I have been inseperable ever since.

- hanging out with sass, standing up guy, beans, fink, and even dosh at the shack. Mostly drinking and playing guitar hero and coming up with some ridiculous inside jokes about furry mouse tits and brownies. They always included me even though I was a leeching teenager. I always had fun and I am very happy to have met some actual nice guys that weren't out to always get me into trouble. I also owe them a decent amount of alcohol.

- this brings me to my girlfriends. the ridiculous things that we got into. We never got into trouble, but we were definitely always asking for it. Drinking in barns, rooftops, and various pools. Float trips, halloween parties, and beer pong marathons at quigleys or sigma chi. We stayed up all night and talked philosophy, then went sex toy shopping. They put up with my Ryan Adams obsession and the string of sketchy guys I always seemed to scrounge up. Things change and we drift apart, but sometimes friendships are explosive like that. No one can live like we did forever, but I'm glad we had the time that we did.

- cheerleading. we had a love and hate relationship. Deciding to quit was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but school had to come first. part of me wishes I could have done that last year, but it wouldn't have been worth my sanity, and I ended with very pleasant memories. Remembering nailing that final routine and that last game of the tournament where there were only about 6 of us, and we lost, but we had so much fun. I wish it could have been like that all the time. I wish there had never been any of the bruises, tears, or blood. I wish it could have always felt like it did at the end. But for someone who never expected to cheer again, I'm glad I had for the experience. Because looking back, all the bad times eventually led up to something pleasant to remember.

 So as we get ready to hit the road tomorrow, I believe FOB said it best.
"say a prayer, but let the good times roll."

California, here we come.

One Week

It's starting to dawn on me that this is my last week in Missouri. I'm having conflicted feelings about this. I of course feel nostalgic,  but not in a bad way. In more of a "that was fine, but let's do something different now". This move really signifies us becoming adults, which is weird since I've been trying to be an adult since I was, like, 12. Now ten years later it's actually happening. Granted, I've been in transition for the past few years, but this is much more like the real deal.

My parents have been really good about this as well, and that has helped more than I can say to have their support, even when I'm doing something they wouldn't necessarily choose for me. They know they have to let me go do what I need and want to do, and it's a good feeling.

Because I am excited. Truly, deeply excited. After all the tests, applications, waiting, decisions, blood, sweat and tears to get to this point, I finally get to sit back and enjoy the adventure. I am done planning for now. I am done setting and meeting deadlines, I'm done worrying about my future, and I'm done struggling with deciding what is best for me.

___________________________

In other news, I accomplished two things today. I found our three-legged puppy to adopt and I fixed my keyboard. The keyboard is boring, but I'm still excited that I was finally able to dislodge the battery stuck in my sweet wireless keyboard. I had been using a shitty corded one for the past couple of months, so it's nice to be untethered. As for the puppy, I'm not completely sure if we will be able to get him. We will need a little time in San Berdoo to figure out how much time we are really going to be able to dedicate to taking care of the little guy. He's been through enough already and he deserves to be with a family who can give him all the love and attention he needs, I just really hope that family can be ours. I've been dying to have a dog for so long and this one seems just made for us, so I really hope it will work out.

That's progress for now. I've been lazy and haven't done much packing. Just waiting waiting waiting until we get out of here.

Not Homeless!

We mailed our reservation for our apartment today, so we now have a California address! My parents are planning their trip and thankfully decided to come a week later than the day we have to move so we can have some time to get settled...and buy some furniture I guess. As we get closer I'm getting pretty excited for our road trip, and our two weeks in San Diego. It will be a well-deserved vacation (well, for Tim).

I've pretty much stuck to my routine of not doing a whole lot the past few weeks. Just cleaning house, doing laundry and dishes, packing and getting rid of crap, oh, and napping and dicking around on the internet. Babysitting too, but that hardly counts as doing much. All this kid wants to do is watch cartoons and take an occasional trip to the park. Ta-Da! Much easier than when I had an actual job.

I'm still doing some freelance design work, it's a little slow, but it's something to do. Still gaining some experience and hopefully I will at some point get to where I can make more than a few bucks per design.

Tim's dad might have found us a puppy, we should be getting pictures later tonight. I'm really excited, I just hope it's cute and doesn't already belong to someone else since it was found wandering the streets.
edit: someone else took the puppy. :(

That's our progress for today. Time for a beer. Happy Friday! (not that it matters to my lazy ass anymore)

Ahh, moving.

June is upon us, only a couple short weeks before we are out of here. I'm doing my best to be productive and *gulp* patient, but alas, I'm pretty much hopeless in both categories. Nonetheless, I am trying. Tim is still working full time so I'm trying to shoulder most of the load of getting us ready to move while he is out making bacon...or sushi, something like that. I've been babysitting a few nights a week just for some extra scratch as well.

But the past couple days I've been focusing on cleaning, trashing, donating, and selling the stuff we aren't taking with us. Luckily, most of our furniture is sold after only being in the classifieds for a day. That's one thing rednecks like is cheap shit. And we have tons of it.

Our air conditioning is broken in the apartment, so that has made the past few days pretty toasty, but I guess it will be good training for desert living. On the good side, the loud kids upstairs and in the neighborhood have been pretty quiet, so that has made being here a bit more bearable.

My to-do list is getting shorter but my anxiousness to leave keeps getting stronger, but I always get like this before I leave anywhere. I am probably one of the least patient people in the world. Once I know I'm going somewhere, all of my efforts are focused on getting there. I've been pretty good with this move so far, but in these last two weeks I guess it is good that I actually have some motivation to get something done.

I just need to relax and come to terms with life being a little messier than usual for the next couple of weeks, because no matter what, this time in two weeks we will be on our way out of here.

Step Two: Graduate

We graduated!

Most of the pictures I have suck, but it happened, I promise. We had a great weekend with friends and family, but we are very excited to get out of here and start our new lives.

Tim is still working and I am babysitting to get us through this next month here. We plan on moving in the middle of June, so it's definitely all coming together. I'm just hoping for this month to go just as fast as the last one did.

Maybe I should be more reflective or sentimental, but it is time to move on.

As of last night, we finally have a (mostly) fully functional kitchen and bathroom. The bathroom sink is still disconnected, but we can definitely live with that. We are so happy with how our apartment looks now, we almost don't want to leave. Almost.

Living here for the next month will at least be significantly more tolerable. Although the washing machine broke today and our neighbors have had at least two domestic disturbances in the past 24 hours.

More good news though, Tim hooked me up with a babysitting job after I am done with school and I am contemplating a contract for a freelance design gig. I have been doing some freelance stuff for the past month, but it hasn't paid much.

But for the next week I am focusing on making it through my last four (yeah, four) days of work and my last test, class, and presentation of my undergraduate career. It is hard to believe graduation is only two weeks away, but I think I'm taking it pretty well, I'm ready for a change.

But for now, I need to stop procrastinating and continue studying. Goodnight.

Well, we are back at home after a mini vacation in Rolla. Tim's wonderful mom sprung for us to stay in a hotel here as an early birthday present for me.

This was the scene in the kitchen late last week. By Wednesday the thick layer of sawdust wafting through the air made it pretty difficult to breathe. By Thursday we were comfortably settled into the hotel and I tried to focus on the mess going on at home. Luckily, they were able to work through the weekend, and all the drywall is up and ready to be painted, and the new floor went down this morning. Hopefully we are a mere day or so from going back to normal.

Cleaning this mess up is going to be quite the feat. I have Wednesday off, so hopefully a majority of that can be done then. This all had to happen at the busiest time of the semester, didn't it? After a whole semester of doing a whole lot of nothing, I've got one more week to wrap it all up.

Next Monday I have my last test of the semester, a final paper due for one class, and a presentation for my independent study class. It sounds like a lot right now, but none of these things should take too much effort to wrap up. And quite honestly, I'm letting myself worry a little more about big picture stuff right now. I'm already accepted to grad school, and as long as I don't fail any of my classes I should be good to go.

It is hard to believe graduation is now less than three weeks. It still feels like we have forever left here, but the time is going much faster than I expected. We are still trying to work out our timetable for moving and finding an apartment, but it has been hard to focus on everything else going on. It is looking like we might be spending some transition time in San Diego with Tim's parents so we can find jobs and find somewhere to live. 

I'm just trying to go with the flow and not let all of this get to me. It'll all be over soon. 

For Better or For Worse

Just as promised, the past week has been pretty hectic. I made it through my next to last round of exams for the semester. While I was taking my MFT, my nephew Cael was born, luckily we got to make it up to Iowa this weekend to meet him.

It was a good weekend, and probably my last trip to Iowa for a while, so that is a relief. Not that it's a terrible place, but I'm more excited for Tim and I to start our new life together.

Unfortunately, part of life together is taking the good with the bad. A pipe burst in our apartment while I was gone, so we will be dealing with the inconvenience of a gutted kitchen for most of this week I guess. Right now we have three industrial fans and a dehumidifier going in the kitchen, it's the equivalent of living in a wind tunnel. But with the bedroom door shut it isn't too bad. I'm just hoping we won't have to put up with it for too long and we will be compensated for our inconvenience. Especially since our electricity bill will be significantly higher because of these fans running nonstop, but also the hours of cleaning out the kitchen I did tonight and the many many more I will be doing this week.

As you can see, part of our ceiling is torn out and our stove and refrigerator moved out of the way to dry out the water damage. Tomorrow they will likely be tearing out more of the wall and the cabinets. So I spent a good part of the evening taking everything out of the kitchen and into the living room. On the bright side, this gave me the opportunity to start sorting out our stuff for the garage sale. Thus, the moving begins.

I'm hoping we will have an apartment lined up by the end of next week. I also will be officially accepting my offer to go to San Bernardino. So it's for real. We're getting out of here...

Move Along.

I have moved 7 times in the past four years. The idea of moving again is enough to make me want to vomit. The only relief from that feeling is knowing when we get there, I am going to In-N-Out for a 2x2 and fries, all animal style.

I have started looking at apartments and will hopefully find some time this week to make some phone calls to a few of the places that looked good (online at least!)

But, remember, all of this is happening within the realm of a full-time student with a job. Luckily, my semester has been fairly easy so far due to online classes and independent study, but things are about to get crazy.

I have about 100 pages of articles to read tomorrow that I should have done over the break so I can report back to my history professor about the progress I have made on the research paper the reading is for. An outline for that is due at the end of the week and a rough draft due two weeks from tomorrow. I also have my first research conference this week, which also means I will be ungodly busy at work (I print the posters for the conferences). Oh, and I have a test and my major field test for my degree on the same day my sister is going to have a baby.

Ah, life.

Westbound.

We are going to California.

It wasn't an easy decision, but once it was made, it felt like the right one all along. We spent all of last weekend double checking our reasons, but we really only ended up finding more reasons to go to San Bernardino. Tim told his parents the next week, and they were already up there today checking out the University and apartments. They are going to be very helpful to us through this process. His mom is already wanting to know what we need so she can start hitting garage sales! In short, just about everything.

I planned on telling my parents today when we went to visit for Easter dinner. But, we all know what happens while we are making plans. I was talking to my mom on Tuesday when she told me she ran into an high school friend of mine and told her we were moving to Illinois. I figured she deserved to at least have the right information if she was going to start telling people. She tried not to sound too upset, but you know how moms can be. I gave her our reasons, and I know she understands that it is the best option for us, but it hurts nonetheless.

Luckily, my parents are dealing with it much better than I expected. And that is relief.

So, thanks to our parents and friends who have been supportive of us through our decision (and indecision).

The next few months are going to be hectic, but amazing.

Decisions, Decisions Pt. 2

It seems like for the past year I have been pulled in all directions. People want to know where you are going, when you are getting married, what you are going to do with your life. I didn't know. I still don't really know. Who does at 21? That doesn't stop the questions.

And it was the questions that were the tipping point.

Am I ever getting out of Missouri? How are we going to afford California? When are you going to make a decision?

It was a little more than I could take. It was a culmination of many months, interviews, applications, and money. It was me realizing that all my work for the past year has been leading up to this point. It was me being genuinely scared that I was never going to make it out of here.

I was mad. I was enraged. Ever since graduating high school I have been aiming to get out of here. I compromised what I wanted to be closer to home and save some money, and maybe still squeeze a few more years out of my waning youth. Now, it seemed like I was just stuck.

So I cried. and cried. and cried. Then I tried reason, but I was coming up short. Short on money, short on reasons, short on faith in myself to make my own decisions.

My excitement to move to California was all but shattered by the seeming impossibility.

Luckily, Tim came to the rescue. He let me cry and tell him everything I was scared of. We went to the park the next day and talked about all our reasons for wanting to be one place or another. The fresh air and a good laugh at Tim while he completely failed at flying a kite helped with the stress. I also reveled in the fact that as hard as this was, at least we had each other.

Before that trip to the park, I was going back and forth with what I wanted. One hour I was set on Illinois, the next I was planning on how I was going to save money to get out to California.

I was at least able to get the big ball of emotions out of the way the night before. I woke up with a clearer head and could at least think logically about the decision. I'm not normally a very emotional person, but it has been a long journey and a big decision. I think at this juncture in my life, I'm allowed to be a little emotional.

But in that moment at the park, watching Tim fail hopelessly at kite flying, I saw not only the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, but also the future I envisioned having with him. Then, the decision was obvious.

My mind has remained unchanged since Friday afternoon. I think we have it. Tim needs a little longer to mull it over, and then maybe we'll tell our parents.

Decisions, Decisions

I cried for six hours last night. I never expected this decision to be easy, but I was hoping it wouldn't be this hard either. In the back of my mind I was hoping I would only get into one school and the decision would be made for me. I'm horrendously bad at making mundane decisions, I apparently fall to pieces when a real decision must be made.

Nonethless, we made a decision. For two weeks we got used to the idea of going to Illinois. It wasn't ideal, but it was somewhere. I visited the school and it seemed like somewhere I could see myself surviving, but that's just it. Surviving. It is obviously the safe choice. And for a while it seemed like it would be the only option for us.

Then came the acceptance to San Bernardino. I was in disbelief for a day or so. I had resigned myself to Illinois, but now a whole new world of opportunity I didn't expect was coming into view. A world of culture, sunshine, mountains, oceans, celebrities, and in-n-out was now within reach. To me, it would be stupid not to take the opportunity, right? Tim had his concerns. I, on the other hand, decided to throw caution to the wind and give into my desire to get the hell out of the midwest.

Maybe.